Burnout Prevention: How to Speak Up When Silenced
This article was originally posted on LinkedIn on May 31, 2023
Do you ever feel talked over or ignored at work? It's not your imagination OR your weak ideas. Studies show men are more likely to interrupt women at work, and my experience tells me this problem is even worse for Asian and South Asian women. Here's how to take back the floor and stop interruptions from affecting your self esteem.
In your next few meetings, sit back and observe, if you can, the subtle power plays going on behind the business chitchat. Who speaks more than everyone else? Who does more of the interrupting and disagreeing? When they interrupt, do others get a word in? Importantly, is the loudest voice in the room actually the most accurate?
Once upon a time I would blame myself if people publicly interrupted or disagreed with me. I thought it meant I didn’t know as much, didn’t try as hard, or couldn’t be as successful as other people. It was incredibly stressful and it led me down a spiral of decreased self-efficacy.
One day I had a simple, revolutionary epiphany. Being interrupted didn’t mean I was wrong. All it meant was someone else was cutting in. I developed a technique that would allow me to keep going regardless. It’s called the Interruption Shield. Let me explain…
We get talked over
A study from George Washington University found that men interrupted women 33% more often than they interrupted other men. Over the course of a three-minute conversation, men interrupted women 2.1 times. In contrast, during conversations of the same duration, men interrupted other men only 1.8 times. Women on average interrupted men only once.
Based on my own experiences and those of women I have coached, Asian and South Asian women experience disruptive interjections even more frequently than other women of color. I can’t find statistics to back this up. However, over my career and fifteen years’ experience coaching Asian and South Asian women, I hear this A LOT.
The Power Distance Index (PDI)
According to Dutch social psychologist, Geert Hofstede:
“PDI is defined as the degree to which less powerful members of society accept and expect that power is distributed unequally. People in societies exhibiting a large degree of Power Distance accept the hierarchical order in which everybody has a place and which needs no further justification. In societies with low Power Distance, people strive to equalize the distribution of power and demand justification for inequities of power.”
In other words, if you come from or grew up in a culture with a large degree of Power Distance, you are more likely to accept and not question a hierarchical order of power. When someone disagrees with you, you may well just concede your point.
The United States has a PDI score of 40, whereas China scores 80. In China, hierarchy and power structures are accepted, but in the United States, they are challenged. Asian and South Asian countries score high on the PDI, indicating a lesser tendency to cut back in once interrupted.
The problem is, if you work in a low PDI country like the USA and you are often silenced, it could be interpreted as a lack of competence that isn’t going to lead to a promotion.
Deploy the Interruption Shield!
Here’s how the technique works. I have a set of go-to phrases I use to avoid getting triggered and to continue my point.
If someone interrupts you and you want to jump back into the conversation with ease, possible phrases could be:
“I’d like to circle back...”
“If I may just complete that thought...”
“I’d love to finish my thought before we move on...”
“Oh, really quick, I would like to finish my thought here...”
“Hold on, one sec, I want to finish my thought...”
“Just a sec, I’d like to finish my thought...”
“I’m excited to hear the next item, but I’d love to finish my thought here...”
“Hold on. Let me wrap this thought...”
“I’m not finished; may I continue...”
“One more thing...”
“Please allow me to finish...”
“If you don’t mind letting me finish, I’d love to hear what you have to say...”
If you need to interrupt someone else’s point to get your point across, some Interruption Shield phrases could be:
“May I...”
“May I interject here...”
“If I may comment here..”
“Can we hit pause; I have a thought...” “Hold on, I need to jump in here...”
“Excuse me, I have a point to add...” “I must interject here...”
“One sec, I need to add something...” “I need to make a point here...”
“One thing we are missing is...” “Something else to consider...”
“Did we also consider...”
Choose the phrases that feel authentic to you and your context. Be mindful of your audience and find the phrase(s) that resonate with you.
By deploying the interruption shield you can stay calm, firmly make your point, and get credit where credit is due.
