The Link Between Authenticity and Self-Advocacy At Work
There are many tools and practicals tips to help you advocate for your worth in the workplace, but the key element that underlies your ability to stand up for yourself in the North American workplace is positive self-esteem.
Under its veneer of professionalism, work is a social sphere, with its own ‘norms’ of behavior. If you can’t join in with the relaxed chitchat in those five minutes at the beginning of the team zoom call, you’re going to feel different. Feeling different is difficult, no matter how confident you are in your professional capabilities.
In this article I’m going to share a surprise self-advocacy tip for the workplace; how to be yourself, even when you don’t fit in.
Many of us wear a workplace ‘mask’
I used to be so stuck on the idea of fitting in at work that I hid every aspect of myself that might compromise my 'professional persona'. I studiously avoided conversations about family life and hobbies, for fear of standing out or seeming unprofessional.
On arriving at work, I would hang up my authentic self and put on my workplace mask.
The mask analyzed and reconfigured my responses and opinions to fit my estimation of professionalism. None of my colleagues knew anything about my hobbies, my family, my rich and vibrant cultural life. I spent my days squeezing into distinctly non-Neelu-shaped holes.
It. Was. Exhausting.
What’s wrong with being professional?
Let’s face it, no one wants to know how drunk you got last Friday. Talking about certain topics at work just isn’t appropriate.
We all agree discretion is an important element of professionalism, but it should come with a (mental) health warning:
Discretion's closest relative is shame
When you hide aspects of yourself for fear of being found out, you become ashamed.
Shame is a predator, intent on taking down your self-esteem. How can you advocate for your own career progression if you don't think you are worth it? How can you jump back in to a conversation when interrupted if you think all your ideas are bad?
There is nothing wrong with professionalism, as long as it doesn’t tip over into shame.
The playing field is not level
‘Being professional’ is easier for some people than it is for others.
Reflect for a moment on some of your managers over the years. What did many of them have in common with each other? Kids in college? Sports? Staying in on Friday nights? Thanksgiving and Christmas? Was it okay for them to talk about these things at work? Yes.
When approached with subtlety, these topics are completely professionally acceptable.
If you don’t share these experiences, your smalltalk might not be so welcome.
How can you be authentic and still be professional?
Authenticity is vital to your sense of emotional safety. When you feel safe you are more productive and more able to achieve your goals. Authenticity is a win/win for you, your family, and your employer. It is something we should have the right to experience in all aspects of life.
So how can you embrace authenticity and still be professional? It is a two step process:
Accept that ‘professionalism’ is actually a collection of social norms and expectations that reflects one particular life experience. You are not wrong if you don’t match this experience. In fact, your different experiences mean you bring more to the table. ‘Faking it’ won’t help your career and will negatively impact your self-esteem.
Break the link between discretion and shame by reframing your workplace persona. Imagine you are an old-fashioned radio with an authenticity dial on the front. You can dial parts of you up and down in different situations without changing yourself or developing a sense of shame around who you really are.
Conclusion
By embracing your authentic self at work, you free yourself to feel good about yourself, while maintaining an appropriate level of professionalism.
When you feel good, you feel confident in your contributions and you feel better able to advocate for your ideas and your career progression.
