Why Do Some Opinions Stay With Us for Decades?

A few weeks ago, I was meeting with my team to discuss new ideas for my business. As we brainstormed, I found myself telling a story from middle school.

Back then, a group of kids posted something cruel about me on the school's digital announcement board. I don't remember exactly what they wrote anymore, but I remember how it felt. I remember getting on the bus at the end of the day trying not to have an ugly cry. I remember feeling embarrassed and exposed.

Mostly, I remember feeling like I didn't belong.

School felt easy for some kids. They seemed to know where they fit. I didn't.

What surprised me during that team meeting wasn't the memory itself. It was realizing that some version of that story has been following me around for years.

Even now, after writing a book, working on a second book, building a business, and speaking around the world, I occasionally catch myself seeing opportunities through the eyes of the girl who felt like she was standing outside the circle looking in.

That's what got me thinking.

Why do some memories stay with us for decades?

It turns out there's a reason some moments leave such a lasting imprint. Researchers at Boston University recently found that our brains don't store every experience equally. Emotionally significant moments are more likely to be remembered because our brains assign them greater importance. In other words, memory isn't just a recording of what happened. It's a reflection of what our brains decided they should prioritize.

The kids who wrote those comments barely knew me. They certainly weren't qualified to decide who I was or what I was capable of. Yet somehow their opinion lasted longer than it should have.

I don't think I'm alone in that.

When past experiences haunt the present

Most of us have a story we've carried forward. A comment, a rejection, an experience that happened at a time when we were still figuring ourselves out. Over time, the event fades, but the conclusion remains.

Maybe I'm not the kind of person people choose.

Maybe I don't belong in that room.

Maybe I'm not ready yet.

The story changes, but the pattern is the same. Lately, I've been wondering how many decisions we make from old conclusions that no longer deserve authority.

How many opportunities do we avoid because of something that happened years ago?

How many ideas do we dismiss before sharing them?

How many times are we reacting to an old story rather than what's actually happening right now?

The work of self-trust

I don't have a perfect answer. What I do know is that self-trust isn't just about trusting yourself moving forward. Sometimes it's about questioning the stories you've been trusting for years.

The memory may deserve a place in your story. That doesn't mean it deserves a vote in your future.The older I get, the less interested I am in what happened back then and the more interested I am in this question:

Does that story still deserve a vote?

Because not every opinion deserves to become part of your identity and some votes should have expired a long time ago.