Why Do Some Opinions Stay With Us for Decades?

A few weeks ago, I was meeting with my team to discuss new ideas for my business.

As we brainstormed, I found myself telling a story from middle school.

Back then, a group of kids posted something cruel about me on the school's digital announcement board. I don't remember exactly what they wrote anymore, but I remember how it felt. I remember getting on the bus at the end of the day trying not to have an ugly cry. I remember feeling embarrassed and exposed. Mostly, I remember feeling like I didn't belong.

School felt easy for some kids. They seemed to know where they fit. I didn't.

Some Stories Stick

What surprised me during that team meeting wasn't the memory itself. It was realizing that some version of that story had been following me around for years.

Even now, after writing a book, building a business, and speaking around the world, I occasionally catch myself seeing opportunities through the eyes of the girl who felt like she was standing outside the circle looking in.

That's what got me thinking.

Why do some opinions stay with us for decades while others disappear by the next day?

The kids who wrote those comments barely knew me. They certainly weren't qualified to decide who I was or what I was capable of. Yet somehow their opinion lasted longer than it should have.

I don't think I'm alone in that.

Living by the Rules of the Past

Most of us have a story we've carried forward. A comment, a rejection, an experience that happened at a time when we were still figuring ourselves out.

Over time, the event fades, but the conclusion remains.

• Maybe I'm not the kind of person people choose.

• Maybe I don't belong in that room.

• Maybe I'm not ready yet.

The story changes, but the pattern is the same.

Lately, I've been wondering how many decisions we make from old conclusions that no longer deserve authority.

How many opportunities do we avoid because of something that happened years ago?

How many ideas do we dismiss before sharing them?

How many times are we reacting to an old story rather than what's actually happening right now?

I don't have a perfect answer.

What I do know is that self-trust isn't just about trusting yourself moving forward. Sometimes it's about questioning the stories you've been trusting for years.

Say Goodbye To What No Longer Serves You

The older I get, the less interested I am in what happened back then and the more interested I am in this question:

Does that story still deserve a vote?

Because not every opinion deserves to become part of your identity.

And some votes should have expired a long time ago.