Own Your Voice in a “Look at Me!” World
What if being “your own cheerleader” isn’t self-promotion… but self-respect in motion? In this episode, Dr. Katie chats with organizational psychologist, Neelu Kaur, who reframes self-advocacy as a generous act—one that helps you and leaves a trail for others to follow.
From the Show Notes:
In this conversation, Katie and Neelu explore the tension so many of us feel: we’re told to share our voice and value—yet we’re also conditioned not to “brag,” “show off,” or “rock the boat.” Neelu introduces a powerful reframe: move from a “look at me” mindset (which can feel hollow or icky) to a “listen to me” mindset rooted in contribution, clarity, and meaningful impact.
Neelu shares how repeated downsizing and being escorted out of a job became the catalyst for her own self-advocacy journey. Together, she and Katie unpack the cultural roots of self-silencing (collectivism vs. individualism, family conditioning, small-town and military norms, neurodivergence, introversion) and why “doing great work” is rarely enough in modern workplaces—especially large, matrixed organizations.
The conversation gets practical: Neelu offers micro-practices to build the self-advocacy muscle in low-stakes situations (think: dinner plans, choosing the restaurant, speaking up in a line at CVS), and a “dial” approach to communication—adjusting the “I” and “we” depending on context without betraying your authenticity. The episode closes with a reminder that self-advocacy isn’t just about career advancement—it’s a life skill that can help you set boundaries, leave unhealthy dynamics, and claim space in any room you enter.
Key Learnings:
Reframe the goal: self-advocacy doesn’t have to be “look at me”—it can be “listen to me,” grounded in value and service.
It’s cultural, not just personal: our comfort with self-promotion is shaped by upbringing, microculture, collectivist norms, personality, and identity.
Use the “dial” method: turn up I (performance reviews, promotions, wins) and turn up we (team settings)—without losing who you are.
Build the muscle with micro-moments: practice in low-stakes spaces so you can show up in high-stakes ones.
Self-advocacy is generous: when you advocate for yourself, you model what’s possible and create a path for others—especially those who’ve been socialized to stay small.
