Be A Part Of and A Part From The Team

This is part 1 of a blog series on using self-advocacy as a tool to protect you from burnout on the road to success. You’ll find more ideas in my book, Be Your Own Cheerleader.

Some people are naturally confident communicators who flaunt their achievements with ease. These people look and sound like they were born bullhorn in hand, ready to take the credit for every small win. These guys (and they are often guys) are openly appreciated and pulled into succession plans.

And then there are the people who contribute to the team and have great ideas but are less likely to get the credit. They may be great communicators and very capable team players, but they take a quieter approach and believe their contributions should speak for themselves.

I’m going to explain how being both A Part Of and Apart From the team can help the second group measure up against the first, reducing their chances of burning out before they get the recognition and success they deserve.

What’s the difference between these two groups?

Broadly speaking, it’s likely team A were vocally appreciated as children. They grew up in cultures where every small win was celebrated. They were encouraged to believe in their skills and expected to use them to gain notoriety and success. As a result, they appreciate their abilities and are happy to talk about them.

Team B further splits into two groups. First there are the ones who work hard and know they deserve credit but keep missing out. They may be told they are not yet ready and take the hit on their self-efficacy. Secondly there are the ones who, for various reasons, don’t want to push themselves forward. To them, picking up a bullhorn feels disingenuous because they believe their work ­– everyone’s work — should speak for itself. They often harbor resentment towards Team A.

Regardless of motive, the impact on the two subgroups is the same: they put more pressure on themselves, slog harder, and get less credit than their colleagues. This increases feelings of overwhelm and puts them on a path to burnout.

There are two steps to working on this problem and moving forward:

1. Accept you must be your own cheerleader

No one in your organization is employed to check and grade your work. Yes, your manager should have an eye on your achievements, but they are also employees with bills to pay and their own dreams to make come true. They have a group of employees to manage and their own bullhorn to blow. It is your job to help them understand your worth.

If you live and work in an individualistic culture such as North America or Western Europe, your colleagues are competing with you whether you like it or not. They are profiting — consciously or unconsciously — from you not tooting your trumpet.

Ask yourself why you find it difficult to be your own cheerleader:

·  Were you raised in a collective culture in which individualism was regarded as a negative trait?

·  Were you raised to be less, to say less, to take up less space?

·  Did you lack successful role models?

·  Do you think different, look different, act different from the straight, white, affluent, male “norm” and so feel less deserving?

·  Have you experienced trauma that put you off raising your head above the parapet?

·  Do you lack confidence in your abilities?

 Whatever your reasons, they are stopping you from getting the recognition you need to feel mentally healthy and keep going.

Result? Frustration, anger, overwhelm, BURNOUT.

2. Become your own cheerleader

People say, “There’s no I in team,” but I have to say I think that’s completely false in corporate America and Western Europe. The team players who get the most credit are those who are most comfortable calling out their contributions. They are both team players and lone wolves.

The concept of A Part of and Apart From, credited to Dr. Milton Erickson, founder of Ericksonian hypnosis stands for the ability to collaborate collectively in your team AND own and excel with your individual piece. It looks like speaking up in meetings and tactfully pointing out your value to your manager.

Take time for deliberate reflection on what you brought to each project. You could make notes after meetings so you don’t forget, or meditate on your contribution. Did you have an idea that was taken forward by others? Make sure your manager knows their work wouldn’t have been possible if you hadn’t provided the idea. Did you persuade the team away from a bad turn or provide a killer piece of data? Make sure it is called out in the project report.

Recognizing you are both A Part of and Apart From the team is a great way to reduce feelings of unease around being your own cheerleader so you can stay healthy and appreciated by yourself and others at work.