Essential Self-Advocacy Tools (Video)

In January 2023, I spoke at the National Association of Asian American Professionals (NAAAP) Speaker Expo on the subject of self-advocacy at work. Here I am describing two important self-advocacy tools; dancing between the ‘We’ and the ‘I’, and engaging your interruption shield.

Transcript

Like many of us, I dance between the ‘we’ and the ‘I’ daily.

So much so that when we came to the US, my parents would get upset if I said, “These are my toys”. They would say, “These are our toys”. Everything was about group harmony and sharing.

I did this dance between the we and the I for many years, and that included many ups and downs in my career. It included getting fired numerous times. Actually, it included many layoffs.

Specifically in 2013, I was laid off from a very large financial services company.

As I was being escorted back to my desk, I noticed that when I looked around at the folks that were still in their chairs, I felt like they were part of an inner circle, a clique that I just wasn't a part of. When I looked around, I saw lots of white men and white women. I will never know if it was related to bias or if it was simply that I absolutely sucked at self-advocacy and self-promotion.

Self-advocacy is an essential skill. Especially because it is not modelled for us and by us. I'm referring to Asians and south Asians that come from collectively-based culture. There's lots of challenges of coming from or being raised by people from collective cultures and then expecting to thrive in ‘I’-based individual corporate America culture.

It goes against our upbringing. We may think we sound boastful, even if we're just talking about our accomplishments. There's so many tools that I use specifically because I still struggle on a daily basis when I'm talking about myself and my credentials and accomplishments. I highlight many of these tools in my book, Be Your Own Cheerleader.

Today I'm going to walk you through two tools that I think you can start to implement immediately. So, the first tool is something I call the “we versus the I dial”. So if you take a moment and imagine the speedometer in your car. There’s the we side and there's also the I side.

And so we can play around with these dials based on our situation. For example, for me, when I am in a consulting capacity with a team, I have to chart out the we where it's about group deliverables and group harmony. When I'm on a business development call as a solopreneur, I have to turn up the I dial because I'm talking about myself and my credentials.

So you also have the ability to play with this speedometer — the we or the I — on a daily basis, given the situation.

Another tool that I use very frequently is something I've termed interruption shields, and these are words or phrases that we use to jump back into conversations. So let's say there's the loudest voice in the room. And you constantly are being silenced. These words or phrases allow you to gracefully return in the conversation and allow you to communicate your opinion.

Some of the phrases I use regularly are, “if I may”, “may I interject here?” “Can we circle back to XYZ?” The phrases have to feel authentic to you and also comfortable in your environment. So interruption shields are another tool you can use when you're feeling silenced and you need to speak up.

This goes against our upbringing, right? We weren't taught to speak up. We weren't taught to speak about our accomplishments. We have to overcome these cultural tides. I remember my parents saying this is not our country. You don't want to rock the boat and you absolutely don't want to do anything to stick out or stand out.

And this, my friends, is a recipe for disaster in corporate America. If we don't learn how to self-advocate and self promote, it hampers our ability for promotions, we are less visible for growth opportunities. So, we must practice, and we have to practice daily. It's like a muscle, the self-advocacy muscle that we must flex on a daily basis.

So I invite you to think out a year from today and imagine yourself in a job or a role that you absolutely love, and you got there by self-advocating and self promoting. You were able to be proud of your accomplishments and clearly articulate your accomplishments. In order for this to become a reality, we must practice daily. You can practice your we or I dial — remember the speedometer — or you can practice your interruption shields.

And if that feels too difficult at first, you can do something simple. I have an accountability partner who is also Indian and she and I text each other regularly when we actually speak up, when we voice our opinions. So we hold each other accountable on a daily basis.

The collective nature of our culture is so beautiful. We take care of each other. We take care of the elderly. We are part of a tight knit community. I'm not here to ask us to eliminate the we part of our culture. I'm here to help us all thrive in the I-based individual corporate America culture that we reside in. I want this for you, and I want this for me.

I am passionate about self-advocacy and self-promotion, so much so that I wrote a book on it and I offer a whole host of workshops and series around being your own cheerleader. As we progress and we speak up daily, we are creating a path, a trail behind us for other Asians and south Asians to follow.

Thank you for listening. I look forward to continuing the conversation.